While making my first Facebook Live video on Wednesday I made a confession. Later on in the video I was struck by a very tough truth. I didn’t get it right away. Not fully, at least. I kind of felt it a little but then a bit later, while talking to a close friend, it all came out. And let me tell you – it shook me up.
Y’all know I always talk about how confession brings freedom. And it is true.
Forgiveness also brings freedom. And this is when it got tough for me. My friend and I were talking about mine and Brent’s recent journey and what I had talked about in the FB video (Included below). After some discussion and digging in it was revealed that I am trapped. Trapped in un-forgiveness.
A lot of hurt happened this year. People get hurt, and people hurt – It happens, it’s life. But I did not realize that I had been harboring un-forgiveness in my heart. This has created a tension, a trapped feeling, almost a suffocation. And I know I can’t move forward, freely, into this journey we’ve been called into if I have a bag of resentment thrown over my shoulder every day.
I am not one that needs a reason, admission, or even an apology. I’ve forgiven all of my abusers without any of those taking place. So I don’t need it now. But I do need to recognize and own my part in this. I need to forgive. Because forgiveness does not condone – it frees the forgiver. And I need to be free.
Not one of us were meant to live hunched over in victimhood. I ain’t a victim. I will not play one, act like one, or live like one.
So I will pray and spend time with the Lord as he helps my heart forgive and turns the hurt into healing.