My overarching message when I speak is wrapped around confession and forgiveness bringing freedom.
When I finally came to the life-changing moment of self-forgiveness, every single thing about my life changed. @@I believe the hardest person to forgive is yourself.@@ So coming face-to-face with my life’s ugly-reel playing before my eyes was scary, yet surprisingly not as horrific as my minds eye had made it out to be. Funny how shame and guilt, and being afraid of being found out, can paralyze you and distort reality.
But I pushed through that first hurdle after a very gentle, yet super-duper serious “I’ve had enough of this, Tam”, nudge from God. The next hurdle awaited, immediately.
This hurdle was its own little nasty beast. It revealed layers upon layers of a counterfeit Tam. You see, I had spent so many years hiding and protecting my past that I became someone else. A version of me, but… not truly me.
My first confession was to my husband. Hard as the H-word I tell ya. I write about this entire confession in my book. Telling my groom and father of our perfect 5-month old girl, that I had had two teenage abortions was terrifying. I felt afraid, ashamed, ugly, and even worse… I felt like a liar. I had spent our entire courtship and marriage being dishonest with him. Protecting my secrets meant I lived a fabricated life.
My confession rocked his world for about .2 seconds. Because at Brent’s core he is one of the most caring and forgiving people I know. Instantly we began experiencing the reward of confession. It freed me up to breathe again. I wasn’t walking on eggshells, afraid of being found out, saying the wrong thing, talking in my sleep. I had nothing to hide anymore. Oh how freeing that is!!!
That first confession led to many more. And the freedom kept on coming. My secrets no longer haunted me. They no longer owned me. My voice exposed them and they became the one’s shrinking back.
The more you say it, the more you slay it.