I did not expect yesterdays post to get so much attention. Brent and I were shocked over the amount of views it received, especially for this small little blog of mine. But that revealed so much to me. It showed me that there are a lot of people out there identifying with abortion and all the emotions and effects that go along with it. So, I would like to elaborate a bit more on that post…
When a woman walks out of a clinic, after her procedure, it is not all over with like they are told. In fact, it is just beginning. An entirely new part of their lives was just born. I know…the irony.
Let me tell you what abortion birthed in my life:
Self-hatred. Yes. For years I hated myself.
Insecurity. Forever hiding and dodging the topic for fear of being found out.
Doubt. I doubted I would ever have children in the future as a punishment.
Unforgiveness. It took several years to get to a place where I could forgive myself without feeling guilty.
Guilt. Guilt over the abortions. Guilt for hiding. Guilt for forgiving myself.
Physical Pain. The second abortion was poorly done. Left me near unable to carry my future children to term, which resulted in two high risk pregnancies and premature babies. It also left me having to get a radical hysterectomy at 30 years of age.
These are just a very few of the realities that plague the Post-Abortive woman. These are truths you don’t hear about in the clinic. You don’t hear about it in your circles. You don’t hear about it in the church. No one talks about it. And it breaks my heart.
Fortunately I have been able to forgive myself. I have reconciled with my past. I have embraced God’s unconditional love for me and have learned that if He loves me without condition then I can love myself in the same way. I had to release my grip on those abortions. And I have. That’s why I write about it. Because I know so many women desperately long to be on the other side of the pain and I want so desperately for them to witness that it is possible!
This doesn’t mean the hurt goes away. It will always be there. But the hurt doesn’t own me anymore, it humbles me and causes a sweet awareness in my spirit that others are hurting deeply, too.
Hurt doesn’t have to be the boss of you.
That is why I wrote And Now I Choose. I want you, if needed, to see that you can choose to rise above the hurt of your painful past and present.
There is always hope. Always. Not one of us are incapable of living in that hope. We just need to choose to, and believe we can, reach for it.