What a strange day today was.
Last week I was talking to one of my coaching clients about triggers. I told her how triggers could either debilitate you or enlighten you. I also confessed that I still have moments where something or someone, even a smell, will cause a painful memory from my past.
We discussed that sometimes triggers cause revelations – and we need to lean into those. They are gifts that if we choose to pull back the layers of we can discover a lot about who we are, why we do certain things, why we respond in particular ways and why we’ve become the person we are.
Well, today I had a trigger induced revelation. I’m a coach; I’m not perfect. I am human and growing just like everyone else.
This morning I realized that each time I was abused as a child and told not to cry about it or tell anyone, it prompted me to disallow experiencing feelings of anger. The one emotion had I not been afraid to feel and express, I believe could have saved me a lot of pain.
Instead, I stuffed it down and renamed it resignation.
My revelation today: I still do that. Something happened this morning that triggered the memory of a couple of hurtful conversations over the last few years – conversations that I resigned to, trading in my stand-up-for-myself voice and stuffing the anger inside a box that wants to explode.
Most of my Christian life I have heard that “to be angry is a Sin” and “Vengeance is the Lord’s.”
Half of that is right.
If we were not permitted to be angry, then we would not have been hardwired with that emotion. And we also would not need this verse.
Anger isn’t bad, but our response to it can be, let’s be clear on that.
And anger has nothing to do with vengeance. For me, I don’t need to right wrongs. I’d rather heap a load of kindness-coals on heads. And while that may be admirable, my sweet disposition and aversion to ruffling feathers, it isn’t healthy.
I sat with God over this today. I felt him confirm in my spirit that I need to tap into, with His lead, all the emotions he has wired in me. They are for my good. I just need to learn how to navigate some of them. He not only reminded me of the gift of emotions but that He also built within me a spine, and that I should use it. He is so sassy with me.
So what will this realization look like? I don’t know. Someone post a snarky comment and let’s test it out!
But my message is this: While triggers often feel uncomfortable and untimely, they almost always have something to reveal to you. Look for the revelation in them.
Also, I coached myself good today! I guess I should send me an invoice.