I have never seen my husband get in a fight. That stuff is reserved for the third grade when Billy steals your dodge ball. I mean, you go after that boy and get it back.
But today there was a fight. Not from Brent, but from Granny.
Scene: We are driving, around noon, to the gas station. We are running on fumes. We’re at a stop light in the right lane. Shortly after the intersection that lane ends and you must quickly get into the left lane. Light turns green and Brent turns his left signal on. There is a shiny white BMW about 3/4 car length behind us in that left lane. Brent speeds up a bit and begins to merge over. But shiny white BMW lady does not like this. We hear her rev up and she speeds up to not allow us in. But we were already on our way over. She honks, and honks, and honks some more. No bigs.
About a mile down the road shiny white BMW speeds up on us. She was on our tail. Like, intimately on our tail. Like, buy us a drink first, on our tail. Brent is going 3 miles over the speed limit so he doesn’t think much of it.
We eventually make it to the gas station and we signal to turn into it. And so does shiny white BMW. Brent realizes she is following us. He decides to not turn in and he drives on. She follows. She keeps following us. Very closely.
We turn into a parking lot and I suggest we just go up and down every aisle. She followed us. Uncomfortably close. After a couple loops Brent is done. He break checks and puts the car in park. We sit there. She sits behind us. Still uncomfortably close. After a couple minutes, yes… a couple of minutes… she starts taking pictures of our car with her phone. So we turn around and start taking pics of her. We seriously didn’t know what to do at this point. I finally said to Brent that I was going to get out, walk to the back of her car and get a pic of her license plate. He said no, he would do that.
And this is when it goes down, y’all.
He gets out and walks to the back of her shiny white BMW, snaps a pic of her plate and proceeds to walk back to our car. She opens the driver door, puts one foot out and begins screaming at him. Calling him names and carrying on. “You’re a jerk! Get a license! You’re Crazy! You almost hit me!” On and On. Brent, calmly, says to her, while leaning down toward her open car door, “Ma’am, that was a merge lane. I was merging.” To which she responds by punching him in the jaw.
I’m not even kidding. Grandma straight up punched my man in the face.
Brent: Are you serious??!
Man sitting in his parked truck eating lunch watching the whole thing go down: Dude! She just assaulted you!!
Me, sitting in my car watching the whole thing go down: Laughing. I mean, you can’t script this stuff.
Woman is still yelling at Brent. Threatening to report him and calling him crazy.
Man sitting in truck tells woman that she assaulted my man.
Woman finally drives off.
Brent merges and woman speeds up because she doesn’t want to let him in. Woman proceeds to tailgate us. Woman proceeds to follow us around town. Woman calls Brent crazy. Woman punches Brent.
Who’s the crazy one?