A Crisis?

I am not a fan of referring to the abortion-minded woman as being in a “crisis pregnancy.”

There-I-said-it. In fact, I am not a fan of most terms used regarding this topic. 

I’ve always thought of a crisis pregnancy being one that is a result of rape, molestation, and of course a life or death situation for baby and mother. My heart breaks for these women. I have known some women in these situations and it is truly horrific.

We’ve seen the numbers and are aware that a very low percentage of abortions are performed due to the reasons above. Crisis.

 

My pregnancies that I ended in abortion were not crisis pregnancies. They were a result of irresponsibility. No crisis. The real crisis was ending the lives of my babies. Yes, now that is a crisis. 

Calling a pregnancy that is an inconvenience, or unexpected, a crisis robs the beauty of the meaning of pregnancy.

To be pregnant is a gift.

To make a child and carry a human in your body is a miracle.

It is not a crisis just because you don’t want a child right now.

To be pregnant is one of the most beautiful moments in a woman’s life. A gift only women get. Sadly, some don’t get the chance. Countless women can’t get pregnant. Women lose their babies in the womb, or shortly after birth. We recently met with a young family who lost their twins in the womb at 22 weeks. My husband and I prayed over them and their precious children. That is a crisis.

So can we stop calling inconvenient pregnancies a crisis?  It’s offensive to those who are actually experiencing one.




6 thoughts on “A Crisis?

  • I think I get what you’re trying to say, but I don’t agree with what you’ve actually said. It comes across as very judgmental to women who have gone through crisis where pregnancy has been factor in it.

    I looked up the meaning of the word "crisis"

    "A time when a difficult or important decision must be made"
    "A time of intense difficulty or danger"

    I don’t think the labelling of a woman being in a ‘crisis’ when she is faced with an unintended pregnancy is offensive. Can there really be a more difficult or important decision than choosing to give life at the sacrifice of yourself or to end life for your own fears/wants/needs? Having spent years counselling and supporting women in those days and weeks of difficulty I’m struggling to come up with a better term. Inconvenient belittles some of the real issues that may be in that situation. Parenting is not all honey and roses, it involves sacrifice of yourself, and that is intensely difficult. Pregnancy is not always beautiful, even when it is wanted. if it was always wonderful my friend wouldn’t be crying to her partner begging him to never get her pregnant again, because the experience has been so awful that she has been in despair. Telling my friend that her ‘pregnancy is a gift’ is not helpful right now, neither would making her feel guilty about someone sitting wishing they could be a parent. Equally, for a woman who has gone through several miscarriages, to make her feel guilty about being jealous of my friend covered in her own vomit because at least she gets to be pregnant wouldn’t be helpful either.

    Infertility and loss, is tragic, soul destroying, gut wrenching, heartbreaking, and sometimes may involve a life threatening situation. It may be a crisis, but honestly I don’t think crisis is quite the correct label for it. The only word I can think of right now is it’s a ‘tragedy’. And I’m not sure that’s quite the right word either.

    It would be like saying a woman or man who has been sexually abused touched or fondled over and over shouldn’t make a big deal over it, because it’s not as bad as being raped. Both are awful things to happen. One may involve more physical consequences that the other (e.g. pregnancy, STDs, cuts, tears, abrasions, bruising), but both emotionally and mentally damage a person. Imagine if crisis centres turned away people who had been abused because they hadn’t been abused enough? Imagine if I had turned around to a woman who was facing a lifetime of being connected to an emotionally abusive man and nine months of constant vomiting that was making her unable to work, pay the rent and bills because I had the attitude ‘well, you should have realised the guy you were with was going to react like that’.

    Babies are miracles because it shouldn’t be physically possible to grow a human inside your body. I’m not a parent, but from observations – Parenting is the toughest job there is, and it’s more than inconvenient. It is most rewarding when you willingly give because you want to. It can be hugely damaging when done with resentment or by force. Even when a baby is wanted, parents need support. That cliche that ‘it takes a village to raise a child’ has been around for decades for good reason!

    I do however agree with you about the term ‘unexpected’ pregnancy. There are a lot of unexpected pregnancies that shouldn’t have been so unexpected. The ones both parties involved willingly in the act of intercourse knowing that neither of them were using contraception come to mind. It’s why I use the term unintended or unplanned – meaning that it was unintended or not planned by the parents. At least not the earthly ones. 🙂

    • I see what you’re saying. I also feel we’re kinda saying the same thing.

      I don’t believe I was being insensitive at all. It certainly was not my intention, as you probably know.

      My whole point was we need to step back and decide to see it the way it is. Take my case… it wasn’t a crisis. It was sexy. It wasn’t a beautiful moment because I had the privilege of being pregnant when other women can’t. It was irresponsible. No, that would not have been the best thing to say at the time – but it would at least been the truth. In stead, I was told I was in a crisis situation which caused me to feel that pregnancy was bad and I was the victim. And I have to completely disagree with that approach. It is misleading and did more harm than good.

      Does that make more sense?

      • Yep – I think I get what you are trying to say. To me you were in a crisis situation – because you were in need of help. However, it sounds like from what you are saying in your situation, the message you received was that you needed to choose one particular form of help over another because the issue was identified as the pregnancy. If that didn’t come from you, and was spoken over you by someone else – that’s not good counselling. It’s directive. And it likely wasn’t the whole picture of the crisis (quite often the women I counselled it wasn’t just about deciding what to do about pregnancy, but also looking at relationships and patterns of behaviour that had led them to getting themselves into a crisis situation). Is it possible that the problem you have with the labelling or handling of situation is not with the label of it being a crisis but women being seen as victims of their situation? That would make more sense from what you’ve said in your original post.

      • Yep – I think I get what you are trying to say. To me you were in a crisis situation – because you were in need of help. However, it sounds like from what you are saying in your situation, the message you received was that you needed to choose one particular form of help over another because the issue was identified as the pregnancy. If that didn’t come from you, and was spoken over you by someone else – that’s not good counselling. It’s directive. And it likely wasn’t the whole picture of the crisis (quite often the women I counselled it wasn’t just about deciding what to do about pregnancy, but also looking at relationships and patterns of behaviour that had led them to getting themselves into a crisis situation). Is it possible that the problem you have with the labelling or handling of situation is not with the label of it being a crisis but women being seen as victims of their situation? That would make more sense from what you’ve said in your original post.

    • " Imagine if I had turned around to a woman who was facing a lifetime of being connected to an emotionally abusive man and nine months of constant vomiting that was making her unable to work, pay the rent and bills because I had the attitude ‘well, you should have realised the guy you were with was going to react like that’."

      I did not suggest this at all. Statistics show that even those numbers are low. And you know what… I wouldn’t judge her regardless or blame her. That would be awful and terrible of me, or anyone to do. That’s a disheartening example and all too often realities of many women. We as a society are failing hugely in the education and preparedness department before women and men get into these situations.

      There are so many layers to this. But I want to get back to the point of my post – being honest and choosing our wording, titles, "excuses" (for some), more carefully.

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