What they don’t tell you when you’re getting an abortion…

Years later, when you decide to start a family, you just might struggle with that first “wanted pregnancy”. Well, if there is blood pumping through your veins you will, at least, think about these things, if not struggle.

The moment I delivered Kassidi Hodge I was flooded with regret. My first born. I went into pre-term labor at 26 weeks. She came a month early. Most of the pregnancy was difficult. In the back of my mind I wondered… Is this a punishment for aborting two babies?

She came out and the doctor held her up and said, “Isn’t she beautiful?!”

I couldn’t look at her.
I didn’t want to look at her.
I didn’t want to hear her.
I didn’t want to smell her.
I didn’t want to hold her.

I didn’t want to love her.

I didn’t want to connect with my baby in fear that she would be taken from me because of what I had done.

They don’t prepare you for this moment as they’re strapping you up in stirrups, preparing to suction out the life inside of you. They tell you you’ll feel better in a few days. 

Yes, the physical pain may lessen – but the emotional, heart, and soul pain… That is just beginning.

Post abortive women… I get it. You are who I am standing for. You are much of the reason why I do what I do. Know that you are loved. Know that just because we make mistakes it doesn’t make us a mistake. Know that you do not need to live in your regret and pain. Self-Forgiveness is often the hardest forgiveness to extend. I’m praying for you. I believe in you.

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